Secret On Building Happy Marriage !

 

 

When the honeymoon is over, many husbands and wives themselves thinking and saying words they never expected to say. for Example:

“I am getting out. This isn’t the person I thought I was marrying. Life is too short for all of this pain. We’re no longer good for one another.

 “We’ve tried everything. Nothing seems to work. He just insists on having everything his own way. It’s hopeless. The only thing to do is bail out.”

 “Look at how high the divorce rate is. Everbody’s getting a divorce-even prominent church leaders. So why should I suffer through a bad marriage? There’s no need for me to be the exception.”

 “Our marriage needs a little excitement. We’ve too used to each other. Maybe if I have an affair it will put the spice back into our marriage.”

 

” Marriage isn’t so much finding the right person as being the right person.” 

- Charlie Shedd

 

 Divorce. Extra-marital affairs. Counselors. Alcohol. drugs. resignation. These are just some of the ways people are trying to deal with troubles marriages. But most of the time, efforts to kill the pain make a bad situation worse.

 

” God’s the One who can make you into the right kind of husband or wife- the kind that pleases Him.”

 

 There is another way. Even if you are ready to call a lawyer. even if reconciliation seems hopeless. You can go to someone who understands your heart and your trouble. He made marriage in the first place. He alone can offer you the inner strength you need so that you can take the first step.

  

 What The Bible Says

 

When God made marriage. he formed a lifelong relationship that was to find its strength and endurance in Him. Over time, He used the wisdom of His Word to teach husbands and wives how to be friends to their mate. In the process, he gave all of us an understanding of the essential building blocks to a strong marriage. They are:

1. Lifelong Commitment
2. Shared Identity
3. Absolute Faithfulness
4. Well-Defined Roles
5. Unreserved Love
6. Mutual Submission
7. Sexual Fulfillment
8. Open Communication
9. Tender Respect
10. Spiritual Companionship

Remember that they are not man-made. They are given to us by God Himself. Because they are, you can know with certainty that when you and your mate follow the, you will have a marriage that is strong.

But perhaps your marital partner is at a different place than you are spiritually or refuses to accept authority of the Bible. If your partner is willing to remain with you, this is your opportunity to show your mate the kind of husband or wife God can help you to be ( 1 Cor: 7:12-16).

  1. Lifelong Commitment

The first biblical  building block for a strong marriage is for the man and woman to make a lifelong commitment. The Scriptures make it clear that God’s ideal for marriage is one man and one woman for lifelong. remember ‘ The marriage vow is the expression of a lifelong commitment.’From this day forward’ extends throughout one’s lifetime.”

2.Shared Identity

Husband and wife should see themselves as one. No longer is it a man living his life for himself and a woman living hers for herself. There is now a new union, a new family, a new unit. Adam expressed this shared identity when God brought him the woman. He said: This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my fresh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of Man ( Gen 2:23). They are one, even at a time when: he’s in a hotel room a thousand miles away, She’s in the pain of childbirth, He has received a good promotion, She has discovered cancer. The two are one. They have agreed to walk the path of life as one.

3. Absolute Faithfulness

We have to be true to one another. The Bible gives ground on this issue. The man is to be faithful to his wife; She to him. The writer of Proverbs cautioned : Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent ( Prov 6: 27-29). The Bible is uncompromising in its demand for sexual unfaithfulness. For our good and God’s honor, adultery is strictly forbidden in the Bible. Marital faithfulness is the fulfillment of the vow made before God and man during wedding ceremony. Can you still remember what you said to your spouse?

4. Well-Defined Roles

Today’s society has made an all-out assault on marriage. And one of its attack is on the traditional roles within the family. The wife is being told that since she has the same rights as her husband, she doesn’t have to submit to anyone. Pressure is being put on the husband to take care of himself and not to worry about her. As a result, husbands and wives need direction. They need answers to basic questions about their specific roles. examples :

The Husband’s Roles

I want you to know that the head of every…woman is man , and the head of christ is God ( 1 Cor 11:3), The husband is head of the wife ( Eph 5:23).

While this principle is one of the most misquoted and misused principles in Scripture. It doesn’t need to be. Biblical leadership is not dictatorial or bindly self-serving. Before God, This headship is:

 

• to be provided in love ( Eph 5:25; Col 3:19)
• to follow the example of Christ’s love for the church ( Eph 5:25)
• to be done with understanding ( 1 Peter 3:7)
• to be done without bitterness(Col 3:19)
• to equal his love for his own body (Eph 5:28)

The husband’s headship is functional. It helps the marriage work. When understood and expressed in the spirit of Christhrist. It provides a servant role. Headship carries with it great responsibility. The husband is to provide loving, understanding, self sacrificing, patient, God honoring leadership.

The woman is instructed in the Bible to submit thoughtfully. A woman who does not find joy in helping a man provide loving, thoughful leadership in the home is doing so to her own harm. Even though she might find it difficult to accept even good initiatives from husband, she needs to show that her ultimate confidence and trust is in God Himself. Marriage has its best opportunity when both husband and wife accept their roles.

 

5. Unreserved Love

 

• They take each other for granted
• They want to avoid a confrontation
• They are obsessed with their own interests
• They feel that they are being manipulated
• They are too hurried to take the time
• They don’t want to hurt the other person

 For a marriage to be strong, however, the barriers to communicate must be broken down. And one way to accomplish that is to follow the example of Christ. You will remember that husbands were instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Two aspects of Savior’s relationship to church could applied to marriage.

What can you do if you feel your mate is not listening ? Here are four suggestions:

• Tell of your need to communicate.
• Don’t rehash old conversations
• Start on the fact level
• Move on to the felling and  conviction levels

Its hard to converse honestly on all levels, but it’s worth the pain and effort. Open communication is an essential building block of marriage !

9. Tender Respect

Sometime when couple are in public they are considerate, forgiving, patient and sweet tempered. But once they are behind the closed doors of their own home, they turn ill-tempered, surly and unforgiving. Theirmates only wish they could be treated the way their partner treats others.

In Ephesians 4:31-32 the apostle paul wroye : Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.  This passage certainly applies to husbands and wives in a marriage relationship.

Paul said : ” Let the wife see that he respects here husband” ( Eph 5:33). Peter told wives to be submissive to their husbands and evn to pattern their behavior after Sarah, who ” obeyed Abraham, Calling him lord” ( 1 peter 3: 1,5-6)

Peter than spoke to husband in verse 7 and advocated that they respect their wives as well. He gave 3 instructions:

• ” Dwell with your wife with understanding.”
• Giving honor… as to the weaker vesel
• ” As being heirs together of the grace of life

The gift of life are not only for the husband to enjoy. They are given by God equally to both, and they should be shared together. A man must respect his wife and not rob the joy of life. God created her to have.

 

10. Spiritual Companionship

Finally, and perhaps most important, a Christian husband and wife shoud see themselves as psiritual companions. They are

making a spiritual jouney through life together, walking hand in hand as children of God towards the wonderful eternity with God that awaits them. What a difference it makes when marriage has a godly husband and a dedicated wife ! No one can measure how much they help each other spiritually as they travel life’s road together.

Here are some qualities that will be present in marriage where husband and wife are spiritual companions:

• They both worship the same God
• They both seek to do the will of God
• They are both accountable to Christ
• They raise their children together
• They encourage each other’s faith.

As a husband and wife draw closer to the Lord through prayer, Biblereading, fellowship and submission to Christ, they will also draw closer to each other. This relationship ,ay be visualized as a trangle. As husband and wife draw closer to God, They will also grow closer to each other in relationship that please God.